Tuesday, June 19, 2012

what fire stops burning when you feed it

Mike;
             It was good to hear what you had to say concerning art and fame and the vapid and often times contridictory nature of the two and the way they inter relate, and what Kind of toll this can exact on the thinking artist.  Really it reminded me of the conversation between Lyle and Lamont chu1)through a flux of circumstances too tortuous to even take notes on I have been realizing similar thingss about my own quest out here.  They say crabbers are chasers but more and more I have come to see us as runners, I came up to, among other things , get some relief from Irony, from hip cynical irony and I thought I had found it because never have my witty observations about the ironic fallen on such deaf ears, they dont understand Irony. BUt more on that later
       What you have touched on is something central I have been dealing with ( with some help from a woman ...smiley face), the illusion of acomplishment and this has brought up a very important question a vital question that is rarely asked.  Does our game make players happy when they play, or just make them sad when they stop? This is a subtle distinction, and irrelevant to most people, but I think it’s very important. Medicine and heroin both sell for a high price, but I wouldnt sleep better at night selling one than the other.Many games use well-designed rewards to convince players that they’ve accomplished something important, even when they’ve only completed a trivial task... Art is no different most artists with their lists of approvals are little more than cunts, they got no heart and if they did they would be to far out to ever get recognition, im sure some people will look at my words and say they are filled with hate and jealousey for others but I assure you they are born out of love for real Art.Postmodern irony and cynicism's become an end in itself, a measure of hip sophistication and literary savvy. Few artists dare to try to talk about ways of working toward redeeming what's wrong, because they'll look sentimental and naive to all the weary ironists. Irony's gone from liberating to enslaving. There's some great essay somewhere that has a line about irony being the song of the prisoner who's come to love his cage… The postmodern founders' patricidal work was great, but patricide produces orphans, and no amount of revelry can make up for the fact that writers my age have been literary orphans throughout our formative years.

We enter a spiritual puberty where we snap to the fact that the great transcendent horror is loneliness, excluded encagement in the self. Once we’ve hit this age, we will now give or take anything, wear any mask, to fit, be part-of, not be Alone, we young. The U.S. arts are our guide to inclusion. A how-to. We are shown how to fashion masks of ennui and jaded irony at a young age where the face is fictile enough to assume the shape of whatever it wears. And then it’s stuck there, the weary cynicism that saves us from gooey sentiment and unsophisticated naïveté. Sentiment equals naïveté on this continent.
              a large percentage of bright young men and women locate the impetus behind their career choice in the belief that they are fundamentally different from the common run of man, unique and in certain crucial ways superior, more as it were central, meaningful---what else could explain the fact that they themselves have been at the exact center of all they've experienced for the whole 20 years of their conscious lives?---and that they can and will make a difference in their chosen field simply by the fact of their unique and central presence to it, what a bunch of shit, whether its artist lawyers bartenders or crabbers.We all have our little solipsistic delusions, ghastly intuitions of utter singularity: that we are the only one in the house who ever fills the ice-cube tray, who unloads the clean dishwasher, who occasionally pees in the shower, whose eyelid twitches on first dates; that only we take casualness terribly seriously; that only we fashion supplication into courtesy; that only we hear the whiny pathos in a dog's yawn, the timeless sigh in the opening of the hermetically-sealed jar, the splattered laugh in the frying egg, the minor-D lament in the vacuum's scream; that only we feel the panic at sunset the rookie kindergartner feels at his mother's retreat. That only we love the only-we. That only we need the only-we. Solipsism binds us together, J.D. knows. That we feel lonely in a crowd; stop not to dwell on what's brought the crowd into being. That we are, always, faces in a crowd. we all suffer from this idea that we are unique somehow... im not, im not unique...im just some fucking guy


              This bussiness of wanting and achieving and getting it kills me.  The brass ring that we all chase, the brass rings biggest lie is that it can sade the infant part of me that indescriminently and constantly wants.  Mike how else do u explain the midlife crisis, this word is so unequivically American, its like an american right of passage that no one talks about and no one is excited about. It happens because once people get the career, the wife the kids the house, once they have paid off the mortgage, bought the car they always wanted, made employee of the month they feel that that feeling of wanting, of aloneness should go away and it doesnt and they call that the midlife crisis, We had ours in our twenties ( which does not augre well for our longevity) but that term points to a very american kind of lonelieness.There is a natural order. The way things are meant to be. An order that says that the good guys always win. That you die when it's your time, or you have it coming. That the ending is always happy, if only for someone else. Now at some point it became clear to us that our path had been chosen and we had nothing to offer the world. Our options narrowing down to petty crime or minimum wage. So, we stepped off the path, and went looking for the fortune that we knew was looking for us. Once off the path you do what you can to eat and to keep moving. You don't blow your ghost of a chance with nickel and dime. No possessions, no comforts. Need is the ultimate monkey. A pint of your blood can fetch you fifty bucks. A shot of cum, three grand. You keep your life simple and you can literally self sustain... are you immesnsly impressed?

 Mike-What the really great artists do is they're entirely themselves. They're entirely themselves, they've got their own vision, they have their own way of fracturing reality, and if it's authentic and true, you will feel it in your nerve endings.
your one in two million and sorely missed-Harvey

1)‘You burn to have your photograph in a magazine.’ ‘I’m afraid so.’ … ‘You feel these men with their photographs in magazines care deeply about having their photographs in magazines. Derive immense meaning.’ ‘I do. They must. I would. Else why would I burn like this to feel as they feel?’ ‘The meaning they feel, you mean. From the fame.’ ‘Lyle, don’t they?’ … ‘Perhaps the first time: enjoyment. After that, do you trust me, trust me: they do not feel what you burn for. After the first surge, they care only that their photographs seem awkward or unflattering, or untrue, or that their privacy, this thing you burn to escape, what they call their privacy is being violated. Something changes. After the first photograph has been in a magazine, the famous men do not enjoy their photographs in magazines so much as they fear that their photographs will cease to appear in magazines. They are trapped, just as you are.’ ‘Is this supposed to be good news? This is awful news.’ ‘LaMont, are you willing to listen to a Remark about what is true?’ ‘Okey-dokey.’ ‘The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you.’

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